I suppose it was just a question of if, not when, the 2024 Pittsburgh Pirates would be no-hit in a game.

After all, the Bucs went into Wednesday’s series finale vs. the Cubs at Wrigley Field with an offense that ranked in the 20s in just about every meaningful category. And the last of a three-game set the Pirates were trying to sweep? The Cubs had them right where they wanted them because it seems like Pittsburgh checks out after it’s already won a series, which, as everyone knows, is all that matters.

Shota Imanaga was Chicago’s starting pitcher and went seven mostly masterful innings. I say “mostly” because he walked two batters. Three other Pirates reached on errors by third baseman Isaac Paredes, who apparently wanted to make things awkward with his starting pitcher during the postgame spread.

In Parades’s defense, Imanaga could have had a perfect game brewing, and his manager still would have lifted him, which he did after seven innings and 95 pitches. That’s what the metrics book says to do now in modern baseball, and that’s why headlines about no-hitters often include teams and not individual pitchers.

Speaking of which, two Chicago relief pitchers, Nate Pearson and Porter Hodge, went the final two innings for the combined no-no. It was the first no-hitter for the Cubs at legendary Wrigley Field since Milt Papas posted one 52 years earlier on September 2, 1972.

As for the Pirates pitchers? Despite not being the worst aspect of the team on Wednesday night, they still combined to throw a stink sandwich in a 12-0 defeat

Domingo German started and went just three innings, allowing nine hits and six earned runs. Jalen Beeks, Kyle Nicolas, Ryan Borucki and Rowdy Tellez, that’s right, Rowdy Tellez, made sure it was a laugher by yielding six more runs over the final five innings.

Actually, in Borucki’s defense, he pitched a scoreless bottom of the seventh inning before giving way to Tellez.

Speaking of inevitable outcomes, it was just a matter of time before Pirates manager Derek Shelton blew up at a reporter for asking him why Tellez, a first baseman by trade, was sent in for mop-up pitching duty late in a blowout loss. It was the third such time Tellez was tasked with that “honor” in about a week and a half.  I don’t have Shelton’s exact quote, but the spirit of his answer was along the lines of, “It was 11-0 at the time. Duh!”

Shelton also suggested the reporter should have asked a better question.

OK, Derek, here are a few: You have eight relief pitchers in the bullpen, so why are you so worried about saving all of their arms? Most of them “shove” as if they have no feeling in their pitching arms and likely wouldn’t know they were being overused.

Also, Derek, when do you think you will be fired? You know it’s just a matter of time, right? I mean, let’s face it, you’re John Russell with a little more charisma. Good luck spending the next 20 years as a hitting/bench coach for various teams.

Finally, Derek, it’s not really your fault that MLB’s financial system is awful. And of all the small-market teams, you had to wind up with the one whose owner is not only in Pittsburgh but spends money like Pittsburgh Dad. It’s probably impossible to manage a team with one arm tied behind your back, but at least that arm is rested, right?

Anyway, the Pirates will be back at PNC Park on Thursday night for the start of a four-game weekend series vs. the Nationals.

Maybe they’ll get a hit, but I’m rooting for back-to-back no-nos.

Why not?