Did you think you were going to read a more sophisticated headline following the Steelers’ 21-18 loss to the Patriots at Acrisure Stadium on Thursday Night Football?

Why would you need anything more than what this headline told you? The Steelers stink. They’re an awful football team. Not only did Pittsburgh lose again at home to a Bill Belichick-coached Patriots team, but it also lost at home to a Bill Belichick-coached Patriots team that was 2-10. Not only did the Steelers lose at home to a 2-10 team, but the defeat came just days after losing at home to a 2-10 Arizona team.

I don’t even know who Arizona’s coach is, but he knew how to beat the Steelers at home.

You don’t even have to have knee-jerk reactions to these 2023 Steelers anymore. What are you reacting to? It’s the same thing every week. You should be used to it by now.

There is no need to have a stock report about these Steelers. The stocks have fallen, and they can’t get up.

Why do you want to grade this team? A, B, C, D, F, you’re still grading players on a team that stinks.

You don’t have to count the winners or losers on this 2023 Steelers squad. There are no winners. As for the losers? The only losers are the folks who still lose their minds while watching these guys play football every Sunday/Monday/Thursday/Saturday (flexed).

You don’t need the numbers to tell you the tale of this game or any game from the past few years. All these contests have been the same. I’ll tell you a neat number: The Steelers fell behind by three scores in the first half of Thursday’s game vs. New England. It was the second time they fell behind by three scores at home to a 2-10 team in five days. Three scores is at least two scores, and the Steelers have fallen behind by at least two scores in seven of their 13 games so far this year. This has happened damn-near 30 times since the end of the 2020 season.

You don’t need to see the latest power rankings. Why do you care where the Steelers are ranked? Speaking of that 2020 Pittsburgh squad, it would wipe the floor with this 2023 team, and that 2020 squad was a mediocre unit that got by on smoke and/or mirrors.

You don’t need to see any film breakdown of this game–“You’re right, he was off-schedule. Thanks for the insight.” This team has been off-schedule for five years.

You don’t need to hear any postgame quotes from these guys. Who gives a damn what these players have to say? They stink. I don’t want to hear a bunch of cliches from players who aren’t very good at their sport. I’d like to hear something juicy, but if that happens, you’ll lose your mind. Why? Are you afraid of bulletin board material? For what? The other teams need to provide the Steelers with juicy bulletin board material, but even if they did, it wouldn’t work. After all, you need talent in order to get revenge over bulletin board material.

Are you going to watch Mike Tomlin’s weekly press conference on Tuesday? If so, why? So he can tell you how his team’s performance was below the line? It’s been below the line for years. Save yourself the trouble. You’re just going to spend the rest of the day angry and allow Tomlin’s words to affect you more than they should. He’s not your boss. He’s not going to ask you to come in on the weekend. Forget him. Instead of watching Tomlin’s press conference on YouTube, watch Daniel Tosh’s new podcast. It’s funny. That’s what I did in the second half of Sunday’s debacle against the Cardinals.

Seriously, I don’t need to see any more evidence from this team. It has provided enough for a verdict. And the verdict is it stinks.

This feels like the late-’80s and early-’90s Steelers malaise I remember as a teenager. The only difference was I didn’t know any better back then. I didn’t realize I was being fed bad football week in and week out for years. I also didn’t have nearly as many entertainment options as I do now.

I’ll thankfully be working when the Steelers game vs. the Colts kicks off at 4:30 p.m. EST on Saturday, December 16. I’m going to a holiday party after work. I’ve interacted with these people enough to know that they don’t give a darn about the Steelers and will not have the game on. That’s good because I don’t want to watch them, either.

Let me repeat the headline: The Pittsburgh Steelers stink.

Do you want to read a not-so-bold and not-so-bizarre prediction? They’ll still stink by the time they play the Colts.