It’s hard enough to get women to date you when you’re 51 and not on any of those “Sexiest Men Over the Age of 50” lists.

Now, try telling them you’re into sports, particularly the NFL. You know what pops in their heads? Images of dudes in Steelers jerseys, chugging beers and crashing their beer guts together after a big play.

That’s not a sexy image.

You know what else doesn’t help? The recent uptick in sports cults and truthers. If someone isn’t in a Kenny Pickett cult, he or she is a Kenny Pickett truther. Maybe those fans aren’t in cults, and maybe they’re not truthers, but they’re now saddled with one or both labels, thanks to the smug folks who call anyone who likes anything sports-related a cultist or truther these days.

What’s up with that? A cult conjures up images of people going to secret meetings wearing No. 8 Pickett jerseys and sacrificing 10-inch gloves as they chant his name in a monotone voice.

In fairness to those smug folks, the Steelers fans who really love Kenny Pickett aren’t helping my defense of them by attacking anyone who criticizes the second-year quarterback with the ferocity of Africanized honey bees that just had their hive disturbed by a lawnmower. Objectivity is a thing. It’s okay to admit that Pickett has mostly stunk since he made his professional debut back in Week 4 of the 2022 campaign. In fact,  for his career, he’s thrown touchdowns at a lower rate (1.9 percent) than any quarterback since the first fake moon-landing cult was formed in 1970 (most likely).

There was strong evidence through his first 25 games to suggest that Pickett wasn’t seeing open receivers, wasn’t comfortable in the pocket, wasn’t very accurate, wasn’t willing to throw the football down the middle of the field and wasn’t willing to heave it further than just past the line of scrimmage.

But just try telling that to Pickett’s most loyal fans. They’ll point to the fact that Matt Canada was his offensive coordinator for all but six quarters of his career, and if he hadn’t gotten hurt against the Cardinals on December 3, Pickett would have been the best Steelers quarterback we’ve seen here since Ben Roethlisberger’s heyday.

Pickett certainly would have been better than Mason Rudolph, a man who came on the scene late in the 2023 season and was a major factor in rescuing the Steelers’ sinking ship. Rudolph passed for 716 yards and three touchdowns in three starts, as he helped Pittsburgh sneak into the playoffs as the seventh seed.

Rudolph didn’t have his best game against the Bills in the wildcard round last Monday, but he did manage to pass for 229 yards while throwing two touchdowns and one interception. If we were to rank the quarterback performances by the Steelers over the past two seasons, believe it or not, that would likely land in the top five. You could make a strong case for Rudolph’s three starts in the regular season, as well.

That’s an easy thing to admit if you’re objective and not a Pickett truther or cultist (or in layman’s terms, someone who is invested in Pickett’s development to the point of not seeing reality).

I had someone on Twitter call me a dipbleep (multiple times) a couple of weeks ago for suggesting that Rudolph was far and away the Steelers’ best quarterback in 2023. This person pointed out Pittsburgh’s winning record with Pickett as the starter and added in the fact that he’s led six game-winning drives in the fourth quarter so far in his short career.

Cool, but wouldn’t it be better to have a quarterback who is good all the time? I seem to have the ability to raise my bowling game in the playoffs. In fact, my teammates call me “Playoff Tony.” The only problem is, I’ve been bowling for 15 years and can’t seem to raise my average above 160. My teammates have to drag me to the playoffs for me to turn into “Playoff Tony.” They are much better bowlers than I am, and if it were up to me, we’d never make the postseason.

In other words, I have moxie, grit, and determination. The moment isn’t too big for me. Unfortunately, I don’t have a lot of bowling talent.

Does this mean I’m in the Pickett hate cult? Believe it or not, someone on Twitter recently threw the cult word out there to describe those who hate Pickett. I suppose our secret meetings consist of chanting Justin Fields’s name and burning No. 8 jerseys.

I hate spinach, but I would never join a cult over it. Sure, maybe I’d sign a petition to have spinach removed from all supermarkets and farmer’s markets, but I wouldn’t go to meetings and stuff.

Also, I don’t hate Pickett. I love Pickett. I want Pickett to do well. But I gotta call them like I see them. Pickett has stunk. Rudolph was better than him in 2023.

What if Pickett finally “gets it” in 2024 and is head and shoulders better than Rudolph? Will I be prepared to eat a little crow? No, that’s a stupid phrase that those fake moon-landing cultists probably said to the pro-moon-landing cultists back in the 1970s.

Instead, I’ll go crazy and yell, “Wooooo, go Steelers! What’s that, honey? You didn’t know I liked football? I’m still the same man you fell in love with. No, I wasn’t going to smack your belly with mine. Where are you going?”