Somewhere, former Steelers running back Rashard Mendenhall is saying, “WTF!”

Imagine if we looked back at Pittsburgh’s Super Bowl XLV loss to the Packers and focused on things like the pick-six quarterback Ben Roethlisberger threw in the first half or the defense’s inability to get off the field pretty much all game long.

What if we talked about Super Bowl XXX and put our main focus on the defense’s inability to prevent touchdowns after Neil O’Donnell’s two infamous second-half interceptions?

Anyway, I don’t know if the Steelers players do a Secret Santa for Christmas every year, and if so, I don’t know if running back Jaylen Warren picked receiver Diontae Johnson’s name out of a hat, but if not, he certainly needs to trade for him.

Warren owes Johnson big-time for what transpired early in Pittsburgh’s 16-10 victory over the Bengals at Paycor Stadium last Sunday afternoon.

The Steelers’ offense had marched deep into Cincinnati territory and was facing a third and short at the 15. Unfortunately, Warren fumbled while trying to pick up the necessary yardage for the first down, and Bengals’ cornerback DJ Turner recovered the football and returned it 28 yards.

Turner was the man Johnson was blocking or whatever on the play, and to make matters worse, the fifth-year receiver started walking off the field after he either thought the play was dead or just didn’t care–depending on who you ask and how much they hate Johnson.

Johnson was likely very upset that he didn’t survive the ground on what would have been a touchdown on the previous play, and this probably contributed to his “whatever” blocking style and subsequent failure to react to Warren’s fumble and Turner’s return of it.

The focus immediately shifted away from Warren’s fumble and onto Johnson’s nonchalant attitude, and it’s remained there ever since.

You can’t go on Twitter without seeing debates about Johnson. You can’t turn on sports talk radio without hearing debates about Johnson. Head coach Mike Tomlin was asked about it during his weekly press conference on Tuesday. Johnson had to answer for his behavior when he spoke to the media on Wednesday.

Why is all the focus on Johnson and not Warren? Maybe it’s like an episode of Quantum Leap, and Dr. Sam Beckett lept into Johnson’s body during the fumble which caused a temporary state of confusion. Perhaps Sam and Al (you can’t forget about Al) are here to save a Steelers player from a tragic event.

Oh boy. 

Maybe it’s Warren, an undrafted free agent in 2022 who has been fined close to $100,000 this season. If not for Johnson’s behavior, the focus may have shifted toward the second-year running back from Oklahoma State. Is Warren ever going to command more than the $870,000 salary he’s making this year? Not if he keeps fumbling.

Sam is here to fix something, but what, Al?

I’m obviously being facetious; time travel is not possible (as far as you know).

But I am serious when I say I haven’t seen something like effort-gate dissected in such a thorough fashion by the media since Saturday Night Live’s round-the-clock coverage of Buckwheat’s assassination many years ago. 

Let us never forget.

I haven’t seen someone avoid blame like this since the time Eddie Murphy, Martin Lawrence and the rest of the stars of Life protected Can’t Get Right by claiming they were the father of the warden’s grandson. 

Wow, I can’t believe how many TV shows and movies I’ve referenced in this article. I sure do love Eddie Murphy.

What was I talking about again?

Oh, right, Diontae Johnson. How could he be so selfish? Typical diva receiver. The Steelers should move on from him next year.