Like most Steelers fans, I could not wait for Sunday’s bye to arrive.

I needed a respite from the pathetic offense that had been on display over the first five games. I’m talking about five touchdowns in five weeks. 12.6 points per game if you subtract the contributions of Alex High Smith, T.J. Watt and Miles Killebrew.

I had been hearing so much about the modern NFL and these high-powered offenses that were all the rage everywhere around the league except in Pittsburgh. I sat down in front of my television set on Sunday afternoon to see how folks–fans of teams not named the Steelers–were living on the other side of the offensive tracks.

One of the 1 p.m. games televised in my region had the Seahawks in Cincinnati to take on the Bengals on CBS. Geno Smith. Joe Burrow. Ja’Marr Chase. D.K. Metcalf. I was ready for a barn burner.

Unfortunately for me, what I got was a tight defensive battle. Exciting, sure, but so damn sloppy. Plenty of sacks. Horrible red zone efficiency. Turnovers.

Final score: Bengals 17, Seahawks 13.

But at least the 49ers and Browns would give me a high-scoring game over on Fox, right? I know Cleveland’s defense was ranked number one going into Sunday, but come on, Kyle Shanahan’s brilliant mind, right? I mean, we’re not talking about a disciple of his. We’re talking about the actual offensive god, himself. Plus, Brock Purdy. Christian McCaffrey. George Kittle. Deebo Samuel. Brandon Aiyuk. The Browns had offensive skill-players, too.

Unfortunately for me, what I got was a tight defensive battle. Exciting, sure, but so damn sloppy. Sacks. Turnovers. wind. Missed field goals, including one from Jake Moody, who failed to connect from 41 yards out with just seconds remaining.

Final score: Browns 19, 49ers 17.

OK, what about the 4:25 Game of the Week between the Eagles and Jets at MetLife Stadium? Jalen Hurts. A.J. Brown. DeVonta Smith. Aaron Rodgers….whoops. Anyway, I’m sure Rodgers was originally the reason for this high-profile matchup before he got hurt four plays into the 2023 regular season, but at least Philadelphia would put on an offensive show, no?

No.

Unfortunately for me, what I got was a tight defensive battle. Exciting, sure, but so damn sloppy. Sacks–including five by the Eagles defense. Turnovers–including three interceptions by a Jets defense that made Hurts look like Kenny Pickett (no offense to one of them, I’m not sure who).

Final score: Jets 20, Eagles 14.

At least a team finally made it into the 20s, right?

Oh well, the primetime game on Sunday Night Football figured to provide some explosive offense, at least by a Bills team that was led by quarterback Josh Allen and receiver Stefon Diggs, no?

No.

Unfortunately for me….ah, screw it! I was asleep by halftime. All I know is that New York was ahead 6-0 heading into the locker room but lost 14-9. I can only assume there were a lot of sacks and turnovers, but I don’t have the energy to search for the box score.

Four games, eight teams, and only one of them reached the 20s (barely). An average final score of 17.5 to 13.25.

Man, what a sad day for offense in Pittsburgh, and the worst part was that Pittsburgh wasn’t even involved.

What’s a guy gotta do to get some offensive football around here?

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go play Madden on easy.